Dear Social Contacts,

Our time here in Africa has sadly found an end. We have been witnesses of landscapes, wildlife and people we have never dreamed of, tasted foods we had never heard of and learnt things we never knew of. Or Emotions are running wild looking forward to home, and in my case, saying goodbye to home. We have been welcomed to so many wonderful homes, have been part of so many wonderful families and have had a part in so many wonderful experiences. We are extremely glad that we have had the support and help of our hosts, many crises would not have been managed as will without them.

Our journeys roamed wild, from the most famous surf in the world to the most southern point of Africa, from the City bowl up to the most scary shopping trip of our lives, from horrifying border passes (that turned out to be quite a party) to road blocks and drives licence controls that have let our hearts sink to our feet.  We have slept to the sounds of Hyenas, partied to the sounds of life, found out much more of our selves than we ever wanted to, and have come a little closer to finding out who we are.

There are parts of South Africa we have not seen, many of these parts we do not want to see. The poverty and hardship that rules many parts of this country is heart breaking and the situation many have to live in, ( and these are not only family’s in townships and worse) is mind retching. We are extremely privileged to have had such wonderful experiences and are truly grateful that we have had a chance to get an insight into the good and the bad. This will and has helped us appreciate what we have back home.

One the things we have enjoyed and will miss most is the attitude of the people here.  The majority of people, it does not matter how little they possess, will welcome you into their home and bend over backwards to be of help. We have been invited to stay with people we only met for a few hours and have been help by people that would have been in much bigger need of our help. If someone does not understand your language, he will draw, point, imitate and signal what he’s trying to tell you, if someone cannot answer your question, he will drag you through the whole town if need be to find someone who can.  There is no need to be self-conscious here.  People will hardly care if you are wearing shoes, have brushed your hair or have forgotten to take of your make up the day before. I have not once had one of those “look you up and down” looks when I have walked into a shop barefoot, exhausted and a crinkle faced. Highly made up ladies with perfume that you can smell from here to next Christmas will give a little shriek of surprise and suddenly be all over you with “oh dear, honey, would you like some tea? Oh of course you’re lost, stupid road works, let me get you a map, oh you know what, keep it, in case you get lost again.” Of course, maybe we are just stupid Tourist that idolizes the grass on the other side of the fence, but living here has shown what “happy’ can mean. Not “happy with your job” or “happy with the government” or “happy with the situation”, but just “happy”.

There are many more words to explain what we have experienced, but they shall be kept for future conversations.

Nevertheless, there have been a few things worth mentioning. For those who do not know what the “Big 5” are, Wikipedia is your best friend: “The phrase Big Five game was coined by white hunters and refers to the five most difficult animals in Africa to hunt on foot.[1] The term is still used in most tourist and wildlife guides that discuss African wildlife safaris. The collection consists of the lion, African elephant, Cape buffalo, leopard, and rhinoceros.[2] The members of the Big Five were chosen for the difficulty in hunting them and the degree of danger involved, rather than their size.[1][3] “

We have here put together the Backpackers Big 5, which are not quite the most difficult creatures to hunt, but most definitely the most dangerous for the backpacker, and, occasionally, the most frustrating.

The path

The Path is a creature that is very hard to find, often you won’t see it even if you or standing right on top of it.  Paths are known to have been located all over the world, in some places it is a very common inhabitant, in others a very rare one indeed.  Throughout the Backpackers adventures, he is constantly on the lookout for Paths. If a Path is located, the Backpacker must do his upmost best to keep his eyes on this Path, for if he looks away, even for just a split second, the Path will most likely wind its way silently and quickly into the nearby undergrowth, or cover its self with the nearby dirt and disappear from the Backpackers view completely.  This is very dangerous for the Backpacker, for a danger of losing a Path is that, without a Path to frighten it away, the Backpacker might run into a Bundu. (see below). But there is a greater fear in the Backpackers life: the motion of following a Path is known under the term of going “somewhere”. If the Backpacker loses a Path, is will be called going “anywhere”. “Anywhere” is a very dangerous place for the Backpacker, because it will lure up the illusion that you are going “somewhere”, but, eventually even the most experienced Backpacker will notice that the illusion of “somewhere” has indeed turned into “nowhere”. The Backpacker shall always avoid going “nowhere”, for this is a place that has a certain magnetic field around it that disorientates the Backpacker and he might well start walking in a circle or having illusions of recognizing certain milestones he finds along his aimless wondering. This will cause a state of panic within the Backpacker, which realised a chemical mixture of cold sweat and carbon dioxide, which frightens nearby Paths away.

You understand, the Backpacker shall never, ever be found going “nowhere”. To any extent! Even going “anywhere” is better than going “nowhere”. Often Paths will be found “anywhere” and that will lead back into the motion of going “somewhere”. 

The Bundu

As mentioned above, the Bundu will often be found if there is no Path present. The Bundu is a creature whose disguise runs wide. He can be sees as a fallen log, a pile of lose rocks, a thicket of bushes, a tiny little branch and many more. A Bundu is a very dangerous creature, for his appearance is often not hostile at all, and the Backpacker will be led into believing there is no danger ahead, when trying to pass a Bundu. Big mistake. As soon as the Bundu smells the backpackers passing, it wills suddenly capture the Backpacker. The most common form of attack comes from the Bundu disguised as a little tree, branch or bush. Before the Backpacker knows what has hit him, the Bundu will lash out with hundreds of thousands of little sharp teeth, engraving them into the skin and hair of the Backpacker, ripping and slashing their way through the flesh. The Bundu has a great hunger for human flesh and especially human eyeballs. Many a Backpacker has tried to domesticate the Bundu, talking calmly and coaxing it with soft words of “now now, bad Bundu, let go, now let go, please”  and meanwhile trying to carefully unhook each little tooth and claw one by one. There is no record of this attempt to ever have been successful. In most cases, the more the Backpacker tries to free himself, the more entangled he will get, and the once so calm and soft worlds will turn into expressions such as “fuck fuck fuck fuck LET GO!!! OUCH, fuck DAMN IT BLICKSEM DONER” which are heard kilometres away.  The only successful method is to close your eyes and pull past the Bundu has fast as possible.  The motion of fighting a Bundu is called “Bundu bashing”. The Backpacker experienced a lot of these battles on a certain farm in Zimbabwe.

The Fuck off Fly

As the name suggests, the Fuck off Fly is a Fly.  This particular Fly has the frustrating habit of flying around and around the Backpacker constantly looking for a place to land. The Backpacker can try and shoo the Fly away as often as he likes, it will have no effect. Eventually the Backpackers patience with the Fly will cease, and he will go over into more harsh methods of getting rid of the irritating Insect. At first he will try to kill the Fly by hitting it, and then lose his temper and start shouting and cursing at it, not knowing that this is exactly what the Fly wants. The more “fuck offs” the Fly gets to feed on, the more it will go into a state of ecstasy, flying faster and faster, driving  the uninformed Backpacker  into madness, running around in a circle, slapping himself and yelling “fuck off, fuck off”.

The hole

The hole is yet another, peaceful seeming creature the Backpacker will encounter on his journeys.  As with many other creatures, there are many types of holes. We will concentrate on four particular holes. 

The common hole.

The common hole is often to be found set in grass lands, such as a garden or even a wide stretch of bush land, or in wetlands, such as swamps or even beaches. The common hole disguises itself with enough grass or mud that the Backpacker only knows he has found one once he disappears into it. Luckily, the common hole is not much bigger than a human’s fist, and it will swallow only the Backpackers foot and maybe part of his lower leg. The common hole has no teeth or claws, but the danger is that once it has swallowed part of the Backpacker, it will form a sort of vacuum around its victim, making escape seem impossible. If the Backpacker is lucky, he will not be traveling alone, and his companions can help pull him out of the hole. If the Backpacker is not lucky, he will be alone, and face the exhausting task of having to climb/pull himself out of the hole alone. Sometimes there will still be another victim in the hole that has not been digested yet, such as a spider, a frog or a snake.  The backpacker will feel a wiggling sensation against his foot, maybe even a nibble or two. This will often speed up the Backpackers proses of escape. It has been seen that Backpackers can fly three meters up into the air, when he feels something more is in the hole.

The Porcupine hole.

The Porcupine hole is similar to the common hole, but just much much larger. Also, when the Backpacker spots a porcupine hole, what he will actually be seeing is only the nose holes of the entire hole. The mouth of the hole will be lying underground, covered by enough earth and grass to be invisible. Once the Backpacker steps onto this covering, it will suddenly give in, swallowing the entire Backpacker, plus his donkey. Or car, if he is travelling with more modern inventions.  It is quite an act to get out of a Porcupine hole.

The pot hole

The Pot hole is a creature that likes lying across roads. The size of a pothole can vary from a few centimetres to an entire meter, if not more. The pot hole will often be found on dirt roads, and even more often on the highways of South Africa. The Backpacker might be lucky to spot a pothole from far away and thus avoid it easily. But every so often, a pothole will be lying slap bang in the middle of a road, making escape impossible. The Backpackers traveling device will suddenly plunge forward and hit the hole but be spat out immediately, for potholes don’t like the taste of rubber tires. The potholes memory is not very good, so when the second set of tires drives over it, it will repeat this motion. If the Backpacker is not lucky, the pothole might try a nibble of the tire, leaving tiny little punctures that will flatten the tire eventually. The Backpackers mood will be a feast for the Fuck off Fly.

The Water Hole

The Water Hole is possible one of the most beautiful and one of the most dangerous Holes. They are scattered all over, come in all shapes and sizes and often lie peacefully under trees and in cool, shaded places. A Water Hole can have many appearances.  Some are a slightly green colour and have a foul, mucky odour. Others are brown, and then again, the more beautiful type, are nearly clear and have a growth of plants on their backs, often you can find lilies amongst these plants.  Water Holes also have eyes. As a rule, the bigger the Water Hole, the larger the amount of eyes. These eyes are always set as pairs of two or more, and are not constantly visible, but have more of a “pop up and sink back down” appearance. If the Backpackers watches a Water Hole for an amount of time, he will notice this strange phenomena. A pair of eyes will slowly appear on the back of the Water Hole, blink once or twice and glare at the Backpacker for a while.. Slowly more pairs of eyes will appear, all blinking a little confused and then finding a target to glare at.. Once glaring becomes too boring, the eyes will slowly slowly sink back into the back of the Water Hole. This is a fascinating thing to be a witness of. The Water Hole also seems to enjoy the company of wild life. It sees that the animals of the bush and the Water Hole life in a sort of symbiosis. The Water Hole will let the animals drink of his water supplies, and in return every once in a while, the Water Hole will feed on them, lashing out with little rows of hundreds of teeth,  sinking them into one of the animals and swallowing it entirely.  This explains why the Backpacker should never be foolish enough to trust the peaceful looking Water Hole and have a drink or try swimming in its deliciously cool looking surface.

The Tourist

Last but definitely least dangerous is the Tourist. The Backpacker will encounter many of these creatures when during his travels, for as much as the Backpacker will not particularly like the Tourist, the Tourist seems to be utterly and entirely attracted to the Backpacker. This is a phenomena that has yet to be explained or eliminated.  The Tourist will appear in many types. We will concentrate on only two. First, we will look at the White Ankled Tourist. As the name suggests, this Tourist is recognizable on the white colouring of his ankles and lower legs.  As a rule, this Tourist is a fairly peaceful creature. Unlike his close relative, the White Ankled Complainer. This particular Tourist has many strange traits, one of which is –unlike the other Tourist- to not be interested in WHY cars are stopping, but HOW the cars are stopping. He will pass by a herd of parked cars complaining without stop about “how completely brainless it is that everyone has to stop in the middle of the road.. How difficult can it be to leave a little path in between to let oncoming cars past? How ignorant of these people, they obviously have had no social training what so ever, what are they thinking, just look at them” Until a very snotty Backpacker (yep, that’s me) will hiss out “Shut UP you honk, there’s a freeking LION right on the side of the flipping road!!” Of course, this will have the Complainer slam on the brakes, screech to a stop (on the middle of the road) block everyone’s view and call out on the top of his voice to the passengers at the back “Beware beware, there’s a LION, get your cameras, look look, no, not the one with the long nose, this is the one with all the hair around its head.. Yes, the one that looks like a fluffy cat.. yes I know it does not have any hair, it’s a female.. yes, it still is a lion, even without all the hair..NO DON’T GET OUT OF THE CAR” and so on and so on

The next Tourist we will learn about is the Long Eyed Gawk. The Long Eyed Gawk will always travel in a herd and can be found close to a park ranger, a notice board, a tour bus, and a fast food restaurant. As the name once again explains, the most noticeable trait of the Long Eyed Gawk is his one long eye. This eye is a fascinating thing to watch, for it can be extended by a certain length and then again draw back into the scull of the Gawk.  Another trait is that he Gawks.. at everything.. Whether it’s an empty water hole, a lone impala, a pride of lion, the end of the world.. he will Gawk..

Of course, the Long Eyed Gawk has a close relative, called the Photographer. The Photographer is a species that is truly admirable, for he has the patience to sit completely motionless for many hours, waiting for wildlife to pass by. The Backpacker likes the company of the Photographer, for he is quiet and unlike the Gawk, truly manages to capture memories with only his one long eye.

Until we meet again, which for some of us will possibly be quite soon,

Xx b&j

We spent our first night on the road on my uncles farm who took us to a cattle auction and to check out some cattle he was considering buying. We left with sunrise the next morning to get to kruger with enough time to have a little evening drive. On the way we passed beautiful little villages and lovely little farms and forests. We did get lost every 5 minutes, for often the signs would be mounted not on the crossing, but around the corner, considering you guessed right. Or they would no longer exist.. or be pointing the wrong direction, which locals will comment on with a “ooh yes, that old thing, been like that for years.. I take it your foreigners?”

But, nevertheless, we made it with more than enough time to set up camp, have lunch and go for a game drive, where we spotted a group of lion in the bushes.  Next day, (as following days) we got up at 5am to be out of camp when the gates open at 5.30. After a very long and frustrating drive (we missed our turn off and spent an extra hour driving through an area completely desolated of game) we arrived in our second camp, Lower Sabi. This camp was especially nice because it had a water hole 100 meters away from the gate, so you could spend your time up to literally the last minute at the water hole, watching hippo and crocs in the water and impala coming in to drink at sundown.  Thanks to fate, there were no ATMs in this camp, and instead of leaving straight for our next camp the following day, we D-toured to a camp with ATM, and spotted both Lion and Leopard on our way there. Fantastic sighting of Leopard. Our camp for that night was Satara, in which you can camp directly on the fence surrounding the camp, giving you a beautiful view onto the surrounding bushvelt. We fixed supper and ate without lights, for the moon and stars are so bright you can see well enough without. After finishing supper and washing up, we lit our torches and woah..  Suddenly your surrounded by glowing eyes in the dark, just on the other side of the fence.. Obviously there were more mouths waiting for supper than just ours.. Hyena patrol the fences after sundown, hoping to catch a scrap or two or like some dishes..  All through the night until early in the morning you hear their scuffling and calling right next to the tent..

The next day we did not spot anything to interesting, until we just gave up and sat at a waterhole for a couple of minutes. A good idea, for that is exactly the time a heard of Elephant with a tiny baby stopped for a drink. But, as always when there is something interesting to be seen, a herd of tourists in 4x4 all inclusive vehicles plus driver and butler move in, blocking the view and oohing and aahing so much the animals decide this is not quite the most peaceful place it used to be and move on. Yay. Of course, once you are on the same road as the 4x4s, this is inventible for the rest of the day..  We gave them a 5 minute start, hoping that they at least will be useful as extra eyes to spot animals in the bushes.. bad idea.. for they stop for every grasshopper and lizard.. Exasperated, we pull past them, and instead follow our friend we made at the waterhole, a young game ranger / wildlife photographer. We decided we liked him the moment he turned his car at exactly the right angle to get a good photo, not block our view, and give us enough space to escape, if the herd of elephant decide they are no longer vegetarians and develop a hunger for humans. As a photographer, the guy of course hauls out a camera which lens is longer than my entire arm. But, and here comes the second reason we decided to take him up into our little “like” group, his “car” reminded us a lot of our Eastern Cape cars, hardly big enough to fit him and his camera, screeching and groaning when he tries to persuade it to jump to life, and decorated with enough dents and scratches, I don’t think I want to know how many angry Elephants he ran into with it.

Where was I.. yes, we see he has stopped and we take it this must be something more important than an Insekt. And low and behold, there they were, the most adorable and worried looking Hyena pups, lying right next to the road, waiting for Mom to return with food. We spent some time watching them dis- and reappearing over and over again until the 4x4 clan had enough of photos and moved on.

Sadly, that was our last night in Kruger. No more cats on the drive to the gate, but a nice spotting of Giraffe at a waterhole, something we have not seen yet. Oh, and we managed to escape death by an inch when Elephants decided to charge us (not warn and flap their ears, but actually CHARGE us) from three different directions. Something in the way our car ROOOOOOOOWWRs when we hit the wrong gear must of convinced them we weren’t going to be easy to kill (thank goodness), and they backed off with a lot of stamping and growling (yes, they can growl) just on time, it was close!!

We arrived at the dairy farm close to Haenertsberg that night, and sent the next day walking, talking to cats, drinking tea, hoping the world does not fall apart during a gigantic thunderstorm that moved in and listening to the chickens terrified “ooooooooooooooooooohs” after every lightning.  Seems like the saying that chickens think the sky will fall on their head is true..

We left Haenerstsberg on the 31st (Happy birthday, mom) and drove back to Pretoria, where dear friends of my parents invited us to come with them for the weekend to their little property set in the middle of a little game/nature reserve just outside Pretoria. Had a lovely evening and great live entertainment for a guy named Eric, who accompanied us and by the way build the little house of theirs, who has the most hysterical sence of humour.

Now where back in Pretoria, spending our last few days pigging out and catching up on mails, oh, and chasing after tourist markets for last minutes presents.

Xx b&j

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Hello all,

Our time in South Africa is slowly but surely coming to an end (sniff sniff). We spent the last two weeks in my home town Pretoria, as mentioned, and have not been up to much the last few days.  Plans to go out and about where made and cancelled, so we landed up chilling at out host family’s place, and heading out for little day outings, which include a trip to a lion park in Johannes burg, a trip to the cradle of human kind with steve, our host, a few outings into nearby parks and botanical gardens and a trip to the zoo. One of the things that you will definitely not see in a German zoo was a herd of approx. 200 children, which was held under perfect control by not more than 5 teachers..

Oh, we also had a fun night out on St Patrick’s Day where I ran into a few old school friends from former South African days. Yet another plus side of Facebook, thanks to all the profile picks, you do not faint when you see how they have all grown and have got beards.. girls and boys.. just joking


As mentioned, not much to report, we’re on the road as of today again until next Sunday, spending a few days on my uncle’s farm, 4 nights in Kruger Park and another few days on a dairy farm close to Haentertsburg.

Please, everyone who cares to be or stay one of my social contacts, do not, I repeat, do NOT comment on my weight when I am back. I have developed a sickness that involves sudden anxiety attacks when I think of all the goods that will cease to exist once I set foot out of south Africa, so I will be literally living of Knickknacks, hot cross buns, cream soda, cheese spread and peppermint crisp for the next two weeks, which will explain sudden flashes of creativity, emotional out bursts and extreme weight gain.  Due to our lack of budget, I will hopefully lose all of that once we head out for the second part of our trip.

Until we encounter internet again,

Xx b&j

​Hello humans,

We left Zimbabwe last Friday, after spending a wonderful last few days on the farm. J and I went back to the blind to do some game viewing and where lucky enough to see a herd of 18 Eland come down to drink (see "some more pics of zim") Vanessa took us to some more of her favorite spots, some of these being a rock face with old bushmen paintings on them, a dinosaur fossil they found on their farm and a stunning potential picknick spot surrounded by baobabs, where we had sun downers on our last evening.

Anyway, the sad day came for us to leave and head down to Pretoia. Of course, not before Digby has another encounter with the robots in Beitbridge.. I think I missed out on telling the story of Digby coming by these robots the first time. The 4 way crossing in Beitbridge that has always worked on the "who comes fist, drives first, unless you think yourself important, then the other shall wait" system has now got robots, which confused Digby terribly.. His passengers had to carefully explain to him when to stop and when to go, and once the robot turned green, everybody hooting and shouting "go, go GO YOU IDIOT!!" with Digby calling out "no, no, its so pretty, I want to stay and watch what happens". This time, when we arrive at the famous robot, well.. I think the pic says more than words..

So now we are in Pretoria, celebrating my Kindergarten friend Dinis 21st Birthday, chilling, catching up on sleep and mails, organizing our kruger park trip and visiting sentimental places like my old house ore the mall we went to as kids.

Until something interesting happens, 

xx b&j

p.s.: whoever has spent some time in Pretoria will know what I mean when saying a thunderstorm is moving in.. that smell of rain on blistering hot roads and lightning in the background.. After being in a very dry Zimbabwe, rain feels like something long forgotten and we're getting all bouncy with excitement 

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